I asked for a kick in the face. i think i got it.

just hope it leaves a mark and it’ll stay there forever and that i’ll remember it and never do this again.

just now, during econs, i sat there for two hours and fifteen minutes digging my own grave.

i’d say, yeah it was chinese, traumatised me so much that i forgot econs or it was the hall that brainwashed me such that i did a TOTAL BLANK over my econs paper or the cold or the lack of time.

but no, i guess it’s just me. i’m the stupid one, the terrible one. the one that can’t study properly. the one that procrastinates like anything. i’m the asshole who didn’t study hard enough. so i should be the one failing. and i am. hah i challenge anyone to fail worse than me.

and it’s not like tomorrow’s gonna get any better. i’ve absolutely no time to finish studying tonight. I AM GOING TO FLUNK IT SO BAD I DUNNO WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME. oh man oh man oh man.

this is the WORST midyears i’ve ever taken. and it’s all my own bloody fault.

i think i need to stop wishing for something i’ll never have, stop feeling remorseful everyday when i pass it by. i need to move on and accept it.

i need a motivation.

i brought myself here so i may as well accept that i’m in a mugger school and there’s nothing i can do but to become a slave to my own books.

at least it’s just two years.