Do nothing, expect nothing, get nothing.

failing everything is one thing. people comfort others saying “oh, but everyone is failing too”. yeah sure. but failing and coming out bottom in class is another thing altogether. you gotta be utterly absolutely insanely horrendous to come out bottom for 3 subjects.

oh and guess what. i’m utterly absolutely insanely horrendous.

anway, seven freaking points my ass. that was just a miracle. doesn’t reflect anything at all and probably won’t happen again. teachers need to stop banking on the fact that we’re the supposedly best class due to our ‘low’ L1R5 average because hey, one of their supposed-to-be top few scorers for o level just found her way to the rock bottom of the class.

i don’t even know if i should laugh, cry or be angry. i can’t be bothered to be depressed anymore.

i guess just Thank God that it’s not counted. it’s probably a good thing, for me. i needed a kick, a slap, a punch to come back to reality and realise this is not something i’ll ever get out of and it’s not some nightmare i can wake up from. it’s called JC life.

i’ll probably just cry myself to sleep tonight but that’s it. no more. from now until september, or whatever date our promos end, i’m just going to devote myself to my stupid books and become that studying robot that we’re supposed to be. because apparently, having a life and going to school doesn’t go together.

i guess we’re expected to drag ourselves to school every morning, sit through nearly 10 hours of classes everyday, steal time from recess and breaks to study, got home, straight away get startd on work, do homework, study for tests, do revision through the night and then finally get a few winks of sleep until we have to drag ourselves out of bed again to repeat this whole cycle all over again. and that’s not even counting CCAs and other commitments. oh and tuition because we all need it. you call that life? sheesh. i’d call that depression. because seems like there’s no other way to pass anything. for me anyway – i’m no genious.

but that is what life is. who am i to argue? i’m just some stupid slacker who needs to pull up her socks and buck the hell up.

second worse day in my life. the worse day was the day TJC told me that there was no way i could transfer, in front of all the rest who were having a blast there. i’ll never forget that.

Feels like my life's been passing by
With happiness just bein' a lie
How did I get here, where am I going?
One more day without knowing
Struggling for one more breath
As I'm drowning in a painful death
Can someone reach out for me?
In this dark and dreary sea

'Cause it seems like no one can
Hear the voice that's calling
Try to take the most I can stand
But I keep falling

I try to chase the memories away
But they haunt me everyday
I hope I get over this phase
'Cause I'm stuck inside this haze
All I need is a simple lift
Such a sweet and precious gift
So I don't lose it all before
What I have left is nothing more